Las mujeres son de Venus y los hombres de Marte

26 abril 2008

Hoy abri el correo y veo un mail de mi tio. Cuando veo el titulo del mail me intereso. Se llamaba La venganza de un hombre. Como me cague de risa!!

El cuentito:

Nunca había entendido por qué las necesidades sexuales de los hombres y las mujeres son tan diferentes entre si. Nunca había entendido todas esas pelotudeces de que las mujeres son de Venus y Los hombres de Marte.Y nunca había entendido por qué los hombres piensan con la cabeza y las mujeres con el corazón. Pero...una noche, mi esposa y yo nos fuimos a la cama. Empezamos a acariciarnos, el inevitable agarre de chichis, el trasero, etc.
La cuestión era que ya estaba lista y en ese momento, me dice: -Ahora no tengo ganas, mi amor!. Tan sólo quiero que me abraces!- Eso me lo dice con una cara de cínica ... ¡Yo dije: -¡¡¡¿¿¿QUEEEEEEEE???!!!- Entonces me dijo las palabras mágicas de toda mujer: -No sabes conectarte con mis necesidades emocionales como mujer'-...

¡NO JOOOOOODAS! Al final, el asunto era que esa noche no iba a haber pelea, guardé los aceites afrodisíacos, apagué las velas, quité el CD de Alejandro Sanz (en ese momento casi siempre funciona), apagué el equipo de sonido,guardé el champán y demás...!Puta madre! Me di un duchazo con agua helada a ver si podía calmar a la 'bestia' y me puse a ver 'Discovery', a todo volumen para no dejar dormir a la hija de mi suegra.... Después de un rato me quedé dormido.

Al día siguiente fuimos de compras a Patio Bullrich y entramos a una tienda. Me fui a ver relojes mientras ella se probaba tres modelitos carísimos 'Liverpool'. Como mi mujer al fin no podía decidirse por uno u otro, le dije que se llevara los tres. Entonces me dijo que necesitaba unos zapatos que le hicieran juego de u$s 390.00 el par!. Le contesté que me parecía bien. Luego fuimos a la sección de ropa sport, donde salimos con unas zapatillas Nike y una Bolsa Luis Vuitton o alguna huevada de ésas. ¡Ella estaba tan emocionada! Yo creo que ella pensaba que me había
vuelto loco, pero de todas maneras se veía contenta. Pienso que me estaba poniendo a prueba cuando me pidió una faldita muy corta de esas para jugar tenis...(si apenas sabe correr!). Entró en 'shock' cuando le dije ... Comprate todo lo que quieras!!!. ¡¡¡Ella estaba excitada casi sexualmente después de todo ésto!!! Entonces Dijo la palabra mágica de toda mujer: -Vení papito lindo, mi 'gordo hermoso' (y otras estupideces que dicen las mujeres), vamos a la caja a pagar!!!-. Fue aquí cuando de repente, faltando sólo una persona para pagar le dije: -No mi amor, creo que ahora no tengo ganas de comprar todo esto-... De verdad, ojalá le hubieran visto la cara: Se quedó pálida cuando le dije: -Tan solo quiero que me abraces-.
Empezó a poner cara de que se iba a desmayar, se le paralizó la parte izquierda del cuerpo, le dio un tic nervioso en el ojo derecho y le dije: -No sabes conectarte con mis necesidades financieras como hombre-...

Desde hace dos días que duermo afuera, pero que
bien que me sentí!


LA PUTA QUE VALE LA PENA DE SER HOMBRE

15 comentarios:

Anónimo dijo...

Lo leí tarde, pensé que me iba a aburrir leyendo tanto...


Pero como me cagué de risa! jajaja, está genial

thitan dijo...

Yo también pense lo mismo muy largo, pero que largo. Pero esta genial. Seguro que esto tiene algo de verídico. Si es así pero que bien para el hombre. Jajaja.

Anónimo dijo...

En verdad tiene su chiste, cuando vas a la mitad es bueno pero el final es una pasada xD

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